some notes on anxious attachment through the lens of 90’s radio hits

hello, beloved blog readers. 2023 has been a whirlwind so far and it’s only just begun, only 23 days in. multiple things have happened that have triggered my anxious attachment and god damn it’s not even the death anniversary of my BFF (jan 29, 2005–it’ll be 18 years soon, holy shit) yet. this year startedContinue reading “some notes on anxious attachment through the lens of 90’s radio hits”

where do you think you’re going? // aka another thing about dead friends, death, and also life

aaryn would have been 44 yesterday. he died suddenly last winter, of a heart attack, while hiking with his dog in the bay area. i knew him in pittsburgh and then i knew him in the bay area. i didn’t know him at all for years, he disappeared sometimes into his complicated life. he didContinue reading “where do you think you’re going? // aka another thing about dead friends, death, and also life”

how i stopped hating walt whitman

A drunk, sweaty man crashed my 13th birthday party, wearing a crooked, curly wig. “I’m Valter Vitman. I’m Walt Whitman’s cousin,” he bellowed. I knew him, he wasn’t Valt-freakin’-anybody. He was my neighbor Wilbur (name changed to protect the freaky), a grown man going to great lengths to make fun of a child. Maybe ifContinue reading “how i stopped hating walt whitman”

the treasure of the escape

hi. i moved back across the country, back to my beloved adopted hometown of pittsburgh, PA, after nearly a decade’s absence. it mostly feels really good. i’m feeling really good. in part because i got transcranial magnetic stimulation which helped me feel….not depressed? for the first time in my conscious life, maybe? but also becauseContinue reading “the treasure of the escape”

all i want to do is lose myself in your room

tonight i went to my first live music in about 2 years. i saw everclear, who were one of my favorite bands in high school. i feel some need to apologize for liking everclear, but the truth is, they have songs about being from a fucked-up working-class family, about being desperate, about wanting to escapeContinue reading “all i want to do is lose myself in your room”

some more illustrated journal entries

i was recently re-reading my journal from 2016-17, looking for something, and what i found instead was a lot of kind of hilarious observations of the people around me. i was working as a case manager in SF and out and about in the city all day, having weird shit happen. these are all transcribedContinue reading “some more illustrated journal entries”

all this fucking exercise and i’m still so fucking sad

As a lifelong non-driver, and as an urban cyclist of 20+ years, I generally dislike walking. People who drive see walking as this fun, recreational thing, a privilege to get to do. They have the option of getting in a car and being whisked somewhere once walking gets too inconvenient, once they get tired, onceContinue reading “all this fucking exercise and i’m still so fucking sad”

2020 in review. in case you were wondering.

2020 in review! 1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before?Graduated grad school. Made over $20 an hour. Lived in Sacramento. Survived (?) a global pandemic as an essential worker working for places that LITERALLY do not care if you live or die as long as you used your last breathContinue reading “2020 in review. in case you were wondering.”

a (half-)year in review.

one of my best friends says i’m good at timelines. she calls me her memory. she said that sometimes, just for fun, she says that she says that something happened in 2008, without worrying too much about whether or not it happened then. anyway, here’s my 2020. january started with a moment of cowardice onContinue reading “a (half-)year in review.”